Beginning of Summer

This summer has been more emotional than the rest and it’s just getting started. I’m now a senior in University and I really need to get my future planned. I have a girlfriend, a job, and pretty good grades, but I feel very lost and I have no idea where I will end up. This is very exciting, but that the same time it’s crazy because my whole life has always had stability and structure; college has taught me that structure is an illusion. I’ve always attended school because I live like my obligations are mandatory. I’ve met many people in college who skip classes and live very differently. This has shaped me in a way. I now realize that the structure I grew up with was merely imposed upon me by authority (parents and teachers). Now that I understand that they are just people, who sometimes happen to care about me, I can see that structure and stability is pretty much a choice. To make structure happen, one must work very hard.

I’ll take a quick break from ranting about my life discoveries to discuss my current preoccupations: working at a call center, volunteering at the library, photography, and video. I am watching movies, taking notes, and dreaming really hard. I want to be a filmmaker and I want to act in films. That is my dream. Studying film at the University of Colorado has been pretty good, but not as focused as I would like it to be. The problem with me is that I am a visionary with high ideals and I get caught in the reality of my life. I may think I’m capable of more than I am, but I usually prove myself correct. It’s scary to realize that the ideas I come up with in my head, ideas that seem so incredibly possible, are actually far from it. I sometimes believe I can start a film revolution that deviates from the Hollywood system and brings it to Boulder. That is a dream of mine. To rid the world of Hollywood’s monopoly and help independent films shine through.

We live in a time where anyone can make a movie. A whole lot of people are. Just look at youtube. It’s amazing. What I want is quality. We have the chance to make new people famous, make new movies, play with better  ideas and stray from the genre pics.

Today I began shooting my first video of the summer. It is a music video for the song Hello by Martin Solveig. It’s about my dog running away from home like she always does. It’s going to be good. I’m using a pretty mediocre camera so it won’t get an amazing amount of attention like the professional looking videos do, but the subject material is better.

I really need an internship soon. I just read an article about how a college students chances of moving back home after college are increased ten-fold if they fail to network and do an internship while in undergrad. That scares me. I really need to find some work that is relevant to my skills and major.

2011 Resolutions

1. Increase and Realize my self-worth.

Keep learning and reading; synthesize knowledge into real-life uses for benefit.

2. Live fully, seize opportunities, get scared.

Being scared means I’m alive and challenged. Whether someone is asking me to get up and dance in front of people or I’m in a position where public speaking is a good idea, DO IT. Take risks. Jump off high stuff. Be smart

3. Stop falling in love with women instantly.

My life isn’t a movie, even though it sometimes seems like it. I don’t know where I get the notion that feelings are mutual and that the relationship will worm itself out; it’s probably from watching romantic comedies. While I’m decently experienced in the field of women, I have an infinite amount to learn. This year I will attempt to be more logical about my relationships with females. Just because she loves Roald Dahl too doesn’t mean we are perfect for each other. It means she is satan. But seriously-stop being so IDEALISTIC Alex! Damnit.

4. Work harder at career and future.

Research internships for my film career and start writing more. Make more movies, learn more software. I would like to mess with Adobe After Effects this year and get some skill under my belt.

5. Exercise

All the time. At least four times a weak. Maybe three. No four. Work out four times a week.

6. Eat

Eat healthier more often. Snack on chips less

7.Masturbation

Less than 3 times a day. Watch less porn. Less than 4 times a week. Four times a week maximum…with less porn

8. Stay groomed and dress well

Do it. Shave. Neck hair removal. I shaved my chest once this year to see what it was like; it was decent. I like it better just trimmed. Trim well. Do that.

9.Books to read this year:

Enders Game Series, Infinite Jest, Hitchcock, The Anatomy of a Story, The Road, American Gods…probably more to come

10. Watch more movies

I love it so I should make more time for it. Do more research. Write more. Make arguments and articles about movies. Wouldn’t it be sick to be a movie critic/ writer?

11. Reflect-in writing

I’m in my 20′s so I’m trying to figure my life out. Right? Isn’t that what we DO? That seems to be what I’m doing and it’s been a good experience so far, but I wonder if I may be living in a too self-centered fashion. I find my inner dialogues sound frequently like I’m explaining myself to an interviewer that isn’t there. I talk to myself like I’m explaining my actions and causes for them. “Well I think I’ve never really cared about cars because my Dad never really talked about them.” “Maybe I’m just like everyone else and I want to be rich and famous.” “No one’s ever asked me that before. I’d says salts over sweets,” and I soon realize that no one asked me anything and that the world suddenly tastes like green.

12. Focus on determining strengths and weaknesses

Let’s face it, I’m an idiot. I think I’m amazing at everything and at the same time, terrible at everything. It’s like some part of me chooses what actions to take based on it’s own wavering dataset that’s surprisingly fictional. Oh I wrecked at Beer Pong last night so i should definitely be able to write this paper very well. I’m good at tennis so I should be good at basketball right? Movies make sense so I should be able to make them. I can’t write this short story because what if i’m not good enough. This year I want to be a little more realisitic about things and I will accomplish this by paying attention to why I’m making decisions and questioning my reasoning.

 

…More to come probably. Definitely. I may document it on here. Why not, right?

 

Christmas Reflections

Boy do I love these times. I’m at home with family. There’s always something to do and something new to learn. Tonight I learned how to play a card game called, “Golf. It’s decently terrible, but it’s alright. My youngest sister spent a while today playing a game we created called “Duel” where we pretty much duel except with NERF guns. IT’S NERF OR NOTHING. Well, there’s always Golf.

I’m working at my Dads company during these holiday weeks tryna earn some funcash for me Spring semester. I applied for the Bachelor of Fine Arts Major at CU and I find out whether I’m accepted when I get back. If i get accepted I will be able to do more production classes as opposed to just studying the theories and history of film, as well as studying films.

My parents and I watched the Director of Shark Tale, Monsters vs Aliens, and Gullivers-something talk about his filmmaking on a TV show called Life After Film School. The big message he was trying to get across was that movies are storytelling. It’s all about the story. Strip away the visuals and the actors and the whatnotmcscagies and you have the story. He said a director is a storyteller and that’s what it’s all about. This kinda makes me curious because I don’t know if I’m a storyteller. I like to make up stories and pretend to people sometimes and make up lies for fun, but I don’t know if I’m good. That being said, I would like to be good. I know I can be if I try and study the great stories of humankind.

After a culmination of various happenings, I realize that I want to work harder at this. People keep saying I look like James Franco and it’s a great compliment, but it’s also kind of a challenge. I look at his life and I see that I want to live as he does. He works hard to get what he wants. He has a great attitude and the endeavors he focuses on are exactly the kinds of things I want to focus on. He writes stories, acts, directs, paints. That’s everything I want to do, except I don’t have the kind of “just do it and focus” attitude that he does. That’s going to be part of my resolution that I will be writing pretty soon. It will be about focusing comepletely on my tasks at hand. My sense of time isn’t exactly what I want it to be right now. I’m easily distracted; I view 30 minutes of solid focus/hard work as good enough and therefore warranting at least a 5-minute break that assuredly turns into 15.

Time to get better at life right about now. That’s what’s on mind. By “getting better at life” I mean that I want to get better. I want to understand what I’m doing, who I am, and what works. I want to write more, I want to be happy with my work, I want to be working all the time, I want to live healthy, I want to date more women instead of getting hung up on one at a time, I want to FOCUS like Da Vinci could. I want to make the most of this life.

I will be writing a 2011 Resolution list soon and I will be writing a Reflection 2010 soon-hopefully I can keep it as honest as possible.

How do I get people to read this?

I would like to write and have it read. Don’t you? That’s probably why you’re here. I just kind of wish there was more discussion. It would be cool to have some visitors stop by and be like, “Hey bromy sizzle I just read your *something* and *something*’d in my *something*.”
Maybe it takes more writing and active participation on my part. It is kind of selfish to assume people will read your stuff and check every day when you write once a month. Truth is: I write a lot more than I do on here. I write papers for school on movies and photography and other fascinatingly boresome epics.
It would be nice to have a comprehensive place where I could just upload everything I have and get constructive critique all up in dis’ B. I like writing and it would be great to be a writer. I’m so busy these days with college, fraternity, friends, books, movies, lifes, intramurals, and the etcs that it makes it hard to elaborate on my cool ideas. It’s hard to make time for creative writing in the hectic life, but that’s probably what life’s about anyhow-making time for the things YOU want to DO!

Telemarketing 3

Today was my third day at my new telemarketing job. The first two days were just training, but I got sales both days. Basically I convince people to resubscribe to their newspaper in San Diego. I don’t feel like adding and specific pronouns because I dont want to get sued(not there’s any reason to sue me) by someone wanting to sue me. It’s a pretty enjoyable job. My friend happens to be the manager so I get better treatment than most people. The really interesting stuff is the actually calling. The process is like this: I hear a beep, listen, and determine whether I’m speaking to a person or their answering machine. About 80% of the time it’s an answering machine so you really have to be on your toes (tongue) for when actual people pop up in your earea (ear area). After I’ve determined the robotiness or lackthereof, i categorize the call or pitch the person my sale.
There are many types of people I talk to. Men and women, Smarts and dumbs, youngs and olds. However many personalities there are, some professionals say 16 types, it’s safe to say that I get some variety in my interactions. Nobody will shoot me for saying each call isn’t the same. Totally safe. They can’t even physically harm me if they would like to so I press on through their concerns and wishes and tell them that this is the greatest deal they will ever hear. I literally say that most of the time when I know someone is about to hang up. It’s entertaining when you can say what you want because whatever you say doesnt matter.
“You guys have called me 3 times today!”
“Well mam we’ve talking about you a lot lately and we really want your business. You’re better than all the other people so we’ve come up with the best deal we could, just for you!”
“Leave me alone(snarl)” *click…*guffaw.

It’s fun just making stuff up and it feels like a sequence of matching wits all day.
“i don’t have time to read.”
“Mam there’s plenty of time if you really try hard at life.”
“I’d rather spend my time with my daughter.”
“You could spend time teaching your daughter how to read and about current events and how to save money with coupons. It’d be a great way to spend time with her. She’d actually be learning.”
“You got me there.” BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

Stuff like that just gets me so amped and ready to sell this shaz. If only i could record all of it, because i make myself laugh out loud a lot. People think it’s weird when they are greeted by a strangers laughter anonymously over the telephone, but I don’t give a dump because I’m laughing at a screen and these people pretty much don’t exist.

I am excited for school

I need to get a job when I get there because, oh boy, money is so tantalizing. I will be a junior at University of Colorado.
I’m torn between switching from film major to English major, but i’m bad at everything so why does it matter? I’ll tell you why it matters. I would rather not have a good job than not have a shitty job. Does my degree really matter in the end?
Maybe I could just apply to places and be really good at interviews and get by that way. Just go from job to job jobbing things and meet other jobbers. They could job me and it would joben up some many job jobbortunijobs. Job a Job and jobs so job job jobbjob and j.o.b.
Boy the future is so overwhelming. I think i should worry more about money. In the future i could just use my saved money to buy a robot that does my job. That’s the perfect investment too. Unless my robot is a lazy beekle and I have to reroute the neurotoids leaving its factory warranty malfeasancey.
I’m just going to stop thinking about it and be aware of the present. Just gotta be aware. The Secret. It’s all one thing. Black is white and life is death. This is so dumb none of it makes sense sometimes.
“Hey man, you know it’s all an illusion right?” “No you homeless word salad enthusiast. Get out of my yellow. Oh God It IS ALL ONE!”

The Spergados

Mrs. Spergado complained bi-minutely about her husbands obsession with his own tongue. “Put it back in Niles!” Yelling was her obsession and Niles was too absorbed to pay her any attention. His tongue fetish and fund failures helped him succumb to a life of not paying for many things.

Baby Spergado was an infantile memory for the family. It was 4 days old and really hungry-loud. It shrieked at the hospital or in the Smartcar while Mr. and Mrs. Spergado went along with their daily routine in the family. She screamed and he played with his tongue.

Niles picked up his envelopes and noticed they’d already been licked. “HAHA!”-His wife said this as she laughed. He was unable to control his anger usually. She’d thrown away countless broken scissors and pounds of his rectal hairs over the years. Midge has had enough, but so has Niles.

He walked out of the room and she bewilderingly followed his hurry into the bedroom. She found him touching himself and licking the tv remote. “Niles!” “ERGAAHAHFEE” “Not on the baby!” “Baby is hungry.”

3 Weeks later the bodies were found on the Spergados bed. To the untrained eye it seemed that a miniature kamikazee pilot has crash landed into the hearts of all three and had convinced the father to eat his right arm.

It Happened on the Tracks

I lay back and it hits me
A reality shaking vibration tosses me backward
I quickly become unstuck in time
My consciousness pulls away from the colorful layers that have constructed my life
These layers are puzzle pieces to the finished picture
These perfectly crafted building blocks each have a purpose.
Touch Sound Emotion Color Light
Time is done and I have moved on
I am “dead,” but it isn’t what i expected
It’s just the next wave to hit the shore
A seamless transition
This wave is larger than the rest
I find it peculiar
My whole life now in front of me, it all worked so perfect
I was totally fooled
Each of my friends a character and perfect addition
I learned so much and left so early
I want to go back
I need a thicker wall, i need more layers
I need more pages in my colorful popout book

Dream: I’m a Good Fighter

So we see some kids outside of some event and both parties start talking shit! I’m like, “Nice shirts you losers.” Then one of them retorts with “At least we’re wearing pants!” Then i realize my friends and I aren’t wearing pants. This is very evident in the daytime.

As i look from bro to bare thigh to bro I hear a bustle and quickly turn to see that one of my imaginary bros has been cheapshotted to the ground. I assess the trauma and conclude that the lack of pants aided my enemy in punching the scrotum of my bro. I see the face of my bro and and his body language communicates: he has definitely severed his brotum. His face shows otherwise. It shows his disbelief and that he could potentially be aware that he has shit his pants but the pain overtakes his ability to discern feelings.

I step up to the metaphorical plate and three cronies decide to take me on. One comes at me with a flying knee, but my long arms punch that little knee-bone-cover into a flappy-four-piece bodily arrangement. The next guy comes at me from my right, outside my vision. I quickly block him and slap the guy on my left. This was no ordinary slap though. I slapped his pupil, very carefully. He will need no more of my attention since he won’t be seeing anytime soon(the tremendous pain caused his occipital lobe to kill itself). I commence a brilliant 360 degree punch turn and remove the face of my remaining “opponent”. The face lands a few feet in front of me as my mates rush over to congratulate me. As if the universe is laughing with me, the dream ends with a medium slowmo shot of my friends as they smile and run towards me. As this occurs, an eventual closeup of the face is superimposed over my friends and we can see it get stepped on and gain shoe prints. Smiles. Fade to black. wake up. lol. write it down. wtf. eh

You’re The LOL to my Haha

Every text that you send makes me love you to the end -G G G G
And in between words your love fills the space- C C C C
I pocket my phone and head to your place- G G G G
the drive takes forever but I’m finally here- C C C C
park my truck and chug a beer- G G G G
Take a few shots- D D
Pop some x- D D
Grab my condom box cause it’s time for sex- G G G G